Since I updated pretty much on my other blog I'll leave this one for a little light-hearted amusement. Some surveys! (There have been a lot going around while I've been gone).

TEN Random Things You May Not Know About Me:

I think most people know most stuff about me. I am an open book and I will probably tell you more things about me than you would probably care to hear. Thinking of ten things you may not know is going to be tough so most likely it will be frivolous and not very interesting - or again - something you don't want to know.

1. My whole apartment will never be all clean at once. I clean the kitchen and move on to the bedroom...Come back and my kitchen is filthy. Clean the kitchen again and move onto the bathroom and my bedroom is filthy. Clean the bathroom and find out the kitchen is filthy again. This is the bane of my existence.

2. The only way I can drink water is if it is out of a container large enough to carry around all day and not have to keep refilling - so as I consume at least exactly 64 oz of water in a twelve hour time period.

3. I cannot fall asleep without a sleeping pill.

4. I am obssessive compulsive. I scrub my bathtub before every shower, I clean the toilet seat before I sit down, I disinfect my keyboard and mouse before I use my keyboard. My kitchen counters must be completely spotless before I cook anything. I walk around and use Lysol Disinfectant spray on every doorknob and light switch at least once a day. Howard Hughes would be proud.

5. If someone makes an interesting noise or laugh or whatever I have a very hard time keeping myself from repeating it several times. People tend to think I am mocking them but I am not. It is a thorn in my husband's side and has put a damper on our relationship many times.

6. I had to stop dancing when I go to shows or clubs (I've stopped going to clubs all together) because I will most likely sock someone in the face on accident, fly into a speaker, trip and sprang an ankle, or commit some other clutzy crime usually involving inflicting pain on not only myself but whoever else is around me.

7. When I was in junior high and high school I used to head bang so much that I caused permanent neck damage and suffered severe headaches all throughout my adolescence.

8. I snorted so much cocaine and speed that I now have a hole in my sinus cavity and suffer nose bleeds daily. I also have to blow my nose at least once an hour and tend to go digging because there is always some sort of build up in there. I have pretty bad allergies too as a result of my sniffing, I'm sure.

9. I have full faith that God wants me to care for animals and the environment just as much as people and myself.

10. I have fallen into a full fledged plunge to learn as much as I can about my Jewish roots.

NINE Places I’ve Visited:
1. All of the most popular California theme parks (Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, Magic Mountain, Universal Studios and Disney's California Adventure Park).

2. The Grand Canyon

3. Sedona

4. Galveston, TX

5. Yosemite

6. Zion

7. The Colorado Rockies

8. That Cavern thingy in New Mexico...Damn I can't remember what it is called...Very beautiful.

9. Oregon

EIGHT Ways to Win My Heart [or at least my affection, or gratitude, or fond remembrance, or... something]:
1. Buy me dinner

2. Ask me to sing/Compliment my singing

3. Compliment my writing

4. Compliment my photography

5. Help me clean6. Compliment my cooking

7. Rub my feet/back/shoulders/hands

8. Try to understand me

SEVEN Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
1. Backpack through Europe

2. Have a baby

3. Get into perfect shape - body and mind

4. Write a book

5. Open a pub and grill

6. Go on a cruise

7. Finish College

SIX Things I’m Afraid Of:
1. Death - In general - mine, yours...

2. Cancer

3. Heart attacks/Strokes

4. Having to rely on someone else to take care of me (Like if I were sick or paralyzed or demented).

5. My apartment catching fire

6. Senility

FIVE Things I Don’t Like:
1. Rude/Bad drivers

2. Slobs

3. People who don't wash their hands after using the restroom

4. People who disrespect me because they disagree with my lifestyle choices

5. Dishonesty

FOUR Ways to Turn Me Off:
1. Be shallow

2. Be mean to my friends

3. Be arrogant

4. Lie to me

THREE Things I Do Every Day:
1. Brush my teeth

2. Use the restroom

3. Eat

TWO Things That Make Me Happy:
1. Love

2. Laughter

ONE Thing on My Mind Right Now:
My allergies are bothering me :-(

1. Are you a yarn snob (do you prefer higher quality and/or natural fibers)? Do you avoid Red Heart and Lion Brand? No, not at all. I usually buy whatever is inexpensive and pretty to me. I do LIKE higher quality and when I find good sales I take advantage of them.

2. Do you spin? Crochet? Knit? I crochet. I wish I knew how to knit and I'm not sure what spinning is.

3. Do you have an Amazon or other online wish list? I do...If someone wants to see it they can ask me.

4. What's your favorite scent? (for candles, etc) I usually go for pine scents, vanilla and cinnamon. I also like sandalwood and Nagchampa insense.

5. Do you have a sweet tooth? Favorite candy? OH YES. I am obssessed with cookies and pie and brownies and chocolate whatevers and all that yummy stuff.

6. What other crafts or Do-It-Yourself things do you like to do? Well, I like to paint, draw, write, take pictures...I have done some clay sculptures but it has been a while...I have made outfits in the past (sewing by hand), I cook...Make homemade greeting cards...etc., etc., etc.

7. What kind of music do you like? I like almost everything. I don't like most Hip-Hop or R&B and new country though. Oh, and I hate new metal.

8. What's your favorite color? Or--do you have a color family/season/palette you prefer? Well, I usually wear black, but I like reds too. I think cobalt blue is a color that makes me feel the best when I look at it. Ooh, season palettes, that's an interesting one. I guess for spring I like teal and brown, summer I like white and blue, fall I like dark orange and black and winter I like black and red.

9. Do you wear scarves, hats, mittens or ponchos? Yes, yes, yes and no.

10. What is your favorite animated character or a favorite animal/bird? I don't really have a favorite animal or bird, I like them all!

11. What is your favorite holiday? Don't have one.

12. Is there anything that you collect? Books, records, CDs, DVDs, boxes (Like wooden hinged boxes of sorts).

When the music is too loud either I'm too old or the band sucks. I believe it was the latter and I'm so glad there was a small, uncrowded place across the street with an awesome juke box and a pool table. It was an interesting night full of mac truck police chases and abandoned wood in the street. I kept my drinking to a minimum, chasing each drink with three tall glasses of ice cold water. However, I can't say the same for some of my companions. I guess they had fun and probably don't remember much of what happened, all for the best because they made utter fools of themselves. I'll leave all names out of it for their sake.

Just for the record, I'm through partying with people who can't handle their liquor. If they can't hang out with me sober, then I guess they have a problem. Can't handle the drama. Can't handle the narcissism. Refuse to accept the disrespect of clueless premadonas who think they are far better than everyone and with their limited experience in life think they are going to make things better for anyone. So anybody who would like to get drunk and make a severely rotten mistake in my presence, remember I'm kicking ass and asking questions later. I'm a passive person but I hate it when people think they can mind fuck me into letting them act retarded.

Whew! With that off my chest, I had a deliriously romantic weekend with my husband. It's funny how the realization that most married couples completely disrespect each other and are doomed for failure will make your relationship that much stronger. We clung to each other for dear life this weekend, making sure we made the other feel completely loved and secure.

Chrissy was up for a short time to go to a concert with her mother and we enjoyed a few hours of catching up. Her mom makes some mean fried chicken. Mmm...Sometimes I just love being reminded how carnivorous I am.

I'm looking forward to going to Disneyland for my birthday and I really hope Christine and Ngai will be able to make it for a dinner somewhere. They are moving to Hawaii and unfortunate circumstances have made their departure date a little up in the air.

So when I find out when they are available, I'll post a date and a place to have people meet us at if you so desired to show. Her birthday is on the 30th so it'd be cool if we could have it sometime between mine and hers.

bu·reauc·ra·cy: Management or administration marked by hierarchical authority among numerous offices and by fixed procedures

In other words, a system by which five different people at five different windows must do for you in two hours what one person could do for you in five minutes because the Government gets some sort of sick sense of satisfaction in seeing your blood pressure go through the roof.

I took my mother to court today so that she could file a response to a summons served to her on behalf of Worldwide Asset Purchasers, LLC. She has been making payments on a credit card and they decided they wanted it all up front because she missed a payment. So they decided to sue her. They've already cashed her checks and agreed on a payment plan but they didn't cancel the summons.

We had to keep going back and forth from all these different windows to get a form for this or that, make copies, fill out and sign stuff and stick our thumbs up our asses. Everything is of course written in legal mumbo jumbo jargon and when I asked for things to be explained, I got total attitude. The lady had a copy machine RIGHT next to her desk, the forms were just five steps from her desk, there was NOBODY ELSE IN THE LINE WE WERE IN, yet she still made us step aside to sign a few pages, go sign in EVERYTIME we needed a different form or copies of something AND THEN WAIT FOR OUR NAME TO BE CALLED EACH TIME.

If everything had been explained up front in terms a normal human being could understand then perhaps we would have been better prepared. But no, they prefer to give you a hassle.

The legal system makes me sick. It is so unorganized, nobody knows what they are doing, and the ones that do don't offer much help. I swear, people that work in the court system are equated to those sadistic, sociopathic people who decide they want to be parking enforcement officers. What makes you decide that you want to dedicate your life to making other's miserable?

So, we got the stuff filed and now we wait.

I have to go to work now, I've only slept three hours.

We were 100 miles before the Oregon border when I decided I wanted to strangle my mother. My aunt had a stroke on Wednesday night. Dorothy gave my mom and me $1300 to drive up to Springfield, Oregon to see how she was doing. Wednesday night my aunt hung up the phone with her sister (my mom) and went to get ready for bed. Upon entering the bathroom she had a stroke and collapsed on the floor. She wasn't found until the next morning when my cousin found her.

She's alive and slowly seems to be improving. Her speech is slurred and she can't move her left side very well. She is having trouble swallowing and they've put her in a rehabilitation center for twenty days. Thank you all for your prayers as I do believe they are helping.

As for the trip...It was long and exhausting. I knew from the beginning that this road trip wasn't for pleasure, but it was still sort of frustrating that I didn't get a chance to stop and explore anything. I can't believe how long California is! How beautiful, too.

We took off around four in the afternoon on Thursday. We stopped in Palo Alto to sleep that night...Arriving at one in the morning. The drive was treacherous as it rained and rained and rained. Hard. I could barely see and I was so tired because well, we all know I don't sleep well and I had to be up early Thursday morning to make all the arrangements for the trip.

We got back on the road far too late on Friday morning. All I can say is, Fuck Denny's. They have the worst service in the world. I have been to many Denny's on the West Coast and I have never spent less than two hours trying to get my food, eat it and wait for the check. I think they refuse to hire a full wait staff in order to have a franchise in every neighborhood in every city in every state in the whole country. What a waste of my time. They burnt my bun too. Assholes.

So we got on the road around noon and I knew it was at least an eight hour drive into Oregon. We stopped for dinner in Mount Shasta National Park at a Mexican restaurant called Casa Ramos. I had a margarita and the macho combo plate...Chili Verde chimichonga, chicken burrito, and a chili riano (spelling?) Can I get an mmm...

My mom complained incessantly about my driving. She made me drive 65mph almost the whole way there. So what should have taken only eight hours took thirteen.

Right after we hit the Oregon Border we stopped to fill up the gas tank. When I got out of my car, I was informed that it was a full service gas station, as was every other gas station in Oregon (And New Jersey, I was told). If I was caught pumping my own gas, I would be fined up to $500. Something about the static electricity from getting out of your car causing the tanks to explode. WHATEVER.

So, I sat there, feeling totally uncomfortable and spoiled while the guy filled up the tank and washed my windows. (I was grateful for that, because it was covered with splattered bug guts and bird turds).

"We've got fresh hot coffee inside, go on in and help yourself," he said with a slight drawl through a semi-toothy grin.

But the coffee, in fact, was not free. It was, however, only a dollar. It was hot and fresh and good, too. We decided to check out the happy section (beer) and found they had Fat Tire (Hey Chrissy!) We didn't make a purchase but inquired to where we might find something with a little more fire.

"Oh, Oregon stops selling hard liquor at 10:00 PM, but you can buy beer up until 2:30 in the morning!"

Cue jaw dropping.

"TEN? I CAN'T BUY ANY WHISKEY TONIGHT? I'VE DRIVEN FOR THIRTEEN HOURS AND I CAN'T HAVE A FEW SHOTS BEFORE BED?"

"Nope, also, they don't sell any alcohol on Sunday."

I think I fell on the floor then. Or not.

Lemme tell you about the fog in Oregon. It's so foggy, that instead of street lamps, they have fog lamps. When a light turns yellow, you don't notice it and then you have a red light and you're skidding into the intersection. At least I was.

So, I got lost every single time I tried to find the hospital...Even though I must have driven back and forth from it about ten times in two days. The freeway system sucks...There's too many one way streets (yes, I did turn the wrong way on one of them), the speed limit drops from 65 to 50 to 35 when you least expect it for no apparent reason. Speed traps.

The last night we were there, I was so dry I thought I was going to shrivel up and die. Jason had his beer...But I don't drink beer that often. I mean, I get full before buzzed and then I just feel fat and sober. It was nine o' clock at night and I knew I had an hour to find a liquor store. Well, turns out they close all the liquor stores at eight. What was left? A bar. A hole in the wall, redneck bar with country singing karoake. It was that or the biker bar, so we hit the redneck dive and ordered two Long Island Ice Teas.

What I don't understand was this: You can buy liquor until ten pm. The liquor stores close at eight. They don't sell liquor at the supermarkets. You CAN however, go to a bar and drink liquor until ten and then drink beer until two-thirty in the morning. So instead of going to a store, buying a bottle and getting ripped in the safety of your own home...You have to go to a bar, drink and THEN DRIVE home. Putting everyone at risk. Of course they have little signs all over the place with a crossed out martini glass with the words, "Play it safe!" or something like that. WHATEVER.

All in all, Oregon is a beautiful state, lush and green with bushy pine trees and rivers and lakes all over the place. The towns are old and rich with history and awesome bridges, buildings and other points of interest. I really wish I could have driven the 60 miles to the coast and taken pictures of the light houses and pine trees on the ocean.

Cue the big sigh.

I did get some black and whites of the road trip...Cows, farm houses, stuff like that. I'll get them posted as soon as I hook up my brand new all in one Lexmark printer/scanner/copier that I bought with my tax refund.

Other than my mom screaming in my ear every five minutes about how I was going to kill her and the fact that you can hear her tisk from a mile away it wasn't so bad. I can't believe I drove all that way without any problems other than intense sleep deprivation and a really sore ass.

In other news:

I GOT A JOB!!

www.classtunes.com I am working as an apprentice at $10 an hour duplicating CDs, creating labels and getting orders ready for shipment. I had the interview yesterday and I start Monday. I'll start out working four hours a day from one to five Monday through Friday. When they get busy in May and June, I'll work full time and I get the whole month of July off because of summer vacation. The company is run by a couple from Norway. They are awesome and I connected with them both immediately. Really cool people. So, I'm really excited about that.

I'm thinking of having a party soon. I'll keep you all posted on that. It'd be really nice to see you all again, it has been far too long! I hate losing touch with people. I know there is much more I want to write about, but I have so much to do. Laundry, room cleaning, hooking up my printer. I'm sure I'll be up ALL NIGHT.

Hi everyone!

Today has been a weird day for me. I know, I know...When has it not? I just feel really uptight and unsettled. The last time this happened I got a call at the end of the night from my mother telling me that my father had been killed in an accident.

I pray that this has nothing to do with anything like that.

Maybe I just didn't have enough water.

So, I got an interview on Friday. A paid internship working at this place that produces children's CDs for classroom activities. I would be duplicating CDs, creating labels, assembling jewel cases, packing items for distribution and occasionally dealing with some customers on the phone. Ten bucks an hour, part time. Sweet action.

On The Cult I have been assigned a writing project on establishing my authority during which I will "Write an anecdote that establishes your authority with honesty and vulnerability. Risk telling the story of a scar, embarrassment, or humiliation. Chuck says that the beauty of this method is that it will inspire your reader, not only to trust your narrator and listen to you, but to open up, and risk telling his or her own story, as well," using The Heart Method.

"With this method, you create an atmosphere of confidence or trust that isn't achieved with everyday bragging or yet another variation on The Hero Story."

Then I must use "The head method, where you use interesting facts and tidbits of knowledge to impress the reader that your narrator is smart. To do this effectively, you need to do some research. Then, find a way to work this information into your story. Don't try to impress the reader with mere cleverness. Instead, invite the reader to share in a special world of insider knowledge, with facts that actually move the story forward."

Now this is a big challenge. Not only do I tend to hold back in my writing, for fear of offending someone or being over their head. I have learned in many workshops that by doing this I am actually insulting my reader, by assuming they won't understand. Another problem I have is trying too hard to be clever. I feel if I wittingly form an opinion of something I save myself the hassle of having to go deep on what I may have no idea about.

So, for example, instead of merely saying "Los Angeles drivers suck ass like a fag giving a rim job," I could be more specific and say, "These sucky Los Angeles drivers have no idea that the number one reason for fender benders is not knowing where the hell they are. Nowhere to go and all day to get there. Last time I checked, you could get pulled over for driving under the speed limit too."

Well without further ado...I bring you:

CURSE OF THE COCKROACH

I hate roaches. I mean, more than the average human being. I can't even hear the word cockroach without shaking out of my skin. Maybe it's because of all the bacteria their little roach turds carry. Maybe it's because they are the only living thing that could survive a nuclear blast. Or maybe it's just the fact that cockroaches are the most disgustingly eerie creature in the world.

Cockroaches are the sleazy scumbags of the insect world. If a roach had a personality, he'd be a vile alcoholic with stinking breath. He'd be sitting in a school yard, leering at all the unsuspecting little girls in Walmart mini-skirts.

I choke on bile when I see one. Unearthly chills run through my spine, causing my limbs to tremble in repulsion. Especially when I wake up in the morning, before the sun rises, flip on the kitchen light and they scatter. Cockroaches are nocturnal...Like cats. The Romans used to call them "lucifuga" because they run from light.

I know if I would just keep my kitchen clean, I wouldn't have this problem. I have a hard time remembering to rinse my dishes when I leave them in the sink. I don't wipe up crumbs immediately after I've made a delicious sandwich. I don't mop my floor on a regular basis and it has its fair share of dried, crusty jelly or cemented slivers of cheese. My kitchen, in a nutshell is a free, 24 hour, all you can eat buffet for bugs.

It isn't easy, however, living in an apartment. Sure, sure the manager has had the complex sprayed with insecticide; but only outdoors, so I don't have to worry anymore about the gruesomely large roaches scuttering over my bare feet when I walk to the laundry room on a warm summer night.

I find them in my cupboards, in my dishwasher, in my coffee maker. I probably drink a cup of roach turds every morning. I have to put everything I buy in a bag or box into a glass mason jar with an air tight lid in order to keep from eating them in a bowl of rice with dinner. I kill them by setting their squirmy little egg infested bodies on fire with kitchen matches. I leave the carcasses behind as a warning to others. I set traps; little poison filled housing structures. I outline the floor in boric acid but nothing seems to work.

I'm doomed, it is my curse to live in harmony with my worst enemy; the cockroach.

The other day my mom calls me up and tells me she needs my help with something. She's all secretive and shit and I ask her what? She says she can't tell me on the phone. I ask if it's a bad thing. She said no. I asked if something bad happened. She said no, well yes. She asked my brother Jason for help and he said she was on her own.

Many things race through my mind. If she asks me to help her kill herself...Now I would never hit an old lady...But...

Then I think, maybe she wants to write her will? I don't know, I hate it when people do this to me. So, I call out of work, 'cause she sounds really upset and I know she's under a lot of stress. The bones in my brother's head are moving around and pressing on certain parts of his brain, causing severe personality changes...He's being a total prick most of the time. I stopped talking to him because of this. Anyway, moms needs me and I'm totally there.

I get to her house and she motions for me to follow her back into her bedroom. I sit on her bed and she grabs some papers off her night stand, sits down next to me, puts the papers in my hands and starts crying. "I'm being sued!"

"Why?" I ask...My mom rarely ever even leaves the house...Like, who the hell could possibly be suing her?

Her credit card company. She ran up $10,000 and couldn't make payments in time and they are suing her. OK, so she's really freaking out right now, imagining prison, who knows what. She looks so frail, and small, and sad and I feel so fucking bad for her. I hold her close and tell her to calm down, let's take a look at this and work it out.

So I read through the papers. It says she doesn't have to appear before a judge; just to download, print out, fill out and bring to the court some documents along with a letter saying why she doesn't think she should have to be sued. She has thirty days to do that. Not a problem I say, we'll get the documents, I'll write her letter for her, she'll fill them out, I'll take her to the courthouse. If anything, they'll set up a payment plan, she'll be broke, but she got herself into it in the first place, now she has to get herself out. Not a big deal...Stop crying, relax. Sure bureaucracy sucks. It's a big old pain in the ass to go through all this rigmarole...But, it's not that big of a deal, it will all be ok in the long run, blah, blah blah.

The she tells me, "I already set up a payment plan with them, I sent them $100 already, they accepted it."

"They cashed your check?" I asked.

"Yes," she says meekly.

"Then they nailed their ass to the wall. Your fine. They accepted your payment, they cashed your check, they can't sue you now. You call your bank, get them to send you proof of the cashed check and you take that to the court. It will be thrown out. They're just trying to scare you. Don't worry about a thing...They fucked themselves."

So she starts calming down and she feels hopeful and better and all that. Then my brother comes in. Didn't want to help her before...But now that I was there, he felt the need to take control of the situation...You know, be the big man of the house. He reads it, not the whole thing...Just parts, has no idea what we just talked about and goes, "You're fucked."

Just like that.

Fucking bastard. "You have to appear," he says.

"Not in front of a judge," I say, trying to remain calm...My mom is starting to freak out again. "She just has to take some paper work to a clerk."

He argues a few points and I'm getting really worked up, but hiding it nicely and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. While I'm in there, I hear him shuffling through the papers, and he calls, "No, you're right."

Damn straight, I'm right.

So I whisper in my mom's ear, when he left the room, to not let him get to her. Not to worry, don't let him scare you. Just ignore him.

So, the rest of the evening I spend sitting around talking to my mom and aunt about ghosts and death and shit like that. My brother was being sort of cool from that point on, a little conversational so I let my guard down a bit.

My poor mom though, I mean my family is so melodramatic. My mom needs calm, quiet times. I wish she could go up and live with my other aunt in Oregon. Just get away from it all, start living her own life for once. But, she wouldn't leave everyone. They need her, so it goes...The story of her life, living it for everyone else.

I was twenty-two when I first found you
You blew my mind
I would have counted my lucky stars
If in them you would've been mine

Call it a simple crush
not sexual, or emotional
just a literary genius speaking to a lush
inspired, my words are...Devotional

I'm placid in adjectives
I'm lost on a whim
I'm mourning
and apprehensive

What can I say about a man
who spent his life telling the truth
In the face of adversity

Who, within that momentum
gave it all up